This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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