I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
