we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
