I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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