Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
