You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
