you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
