She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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