If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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