the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
