what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
