I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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