Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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