do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it penis luge time yet?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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