I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
