I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
