Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
