i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
