In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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