ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
