How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
