I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
