If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
