The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
