I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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