He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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