You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
