i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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