So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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