Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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