Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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