Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
