Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
