They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
