Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
