i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
