he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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