Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
