after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
