Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
there is glitter all over my balls
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