You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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