Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
