I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
