i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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