Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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