what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
