you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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