omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
