You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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