i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Me too!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
did i walk over a car last night?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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