he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Who died my cat blue again?
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