Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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