Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
