you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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