It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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